Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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