life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
