just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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