This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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