My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
