he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
