YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
