Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
