If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
