Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
