and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
