Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
