allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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