Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
