mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
