I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
