maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
