whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
