Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
