I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no, he came in my armpit
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
