Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
