So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
