my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
