he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
