I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
