We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
