I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
