i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
