i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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