i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
