In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
