And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
