I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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