Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
