I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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