I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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