Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
