textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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