Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
