goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
