There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
