Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
