I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I had your ass I would rule the world
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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