is your mom at the bar?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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