What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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