he wants to bone in the snuggie
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
