I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
