Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
