Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Define "chronic" masturbator.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
