This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
