Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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