Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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