I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
