I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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