Can i not drive my cunt home
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
