Umm I'm too high to move.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
